i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
