Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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