I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
