The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
