I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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