john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
