my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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