I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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