I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
