Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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