I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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