A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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