I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I have fence marks all over my body
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
