loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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