he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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