8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
