my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
