Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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