halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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