i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
