i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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