Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Terrible idea I love it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
