so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
