You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
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