Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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