i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
