the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
