I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
