I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
