Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
