Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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