What a fucking waste of an outfit
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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