how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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