I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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