I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
