Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
