my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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