...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
