I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
