i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize