8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
