Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
