he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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