That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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