her vagine was all disorganized.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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