When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
this beer tastes like vomit already
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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