don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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