i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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