i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
try to milk me bitch
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
