I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You left your underwear on the fireplace
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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