we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
