Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he fucked my hip out of place.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
