1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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