guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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