please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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