Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
