I got chris browned last night
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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