i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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