how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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