What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
