Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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