im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
