I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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