Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
