You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
