what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize