i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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