you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
