she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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