He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
