ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
