I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
