Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize