i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
