I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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